Unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock you’re probably aware that facial hair for men has come back. This is probably the biggest comeback beards have ever made since the Vikings killed every person in its path. Everywhere you look, beards and mustaches. Long beards, short beards, beards with a twist, and even glitter beards (please no). Have you noticed, however, how all the bearded men have the babes flocking to them? Yeah, they do.
Most men with a beard, that I’ve seen, have at least a few ladies swooning and asking to touch the damn thing. I’ve been watching this for a while now and have been if I’m honest, completely perplexed and bamboozled. So I decided to do some research and see what the big deal is. Why do women love beards? What is it about a beard that attracts the women? Why? I just had to know!
Though my approach wasn’t the most precise and scientific process, it did shed some light into that dark unknown world of what makes a woman swoon. Without further ado, here are the top five reasons women, apparently, love the beard and the bearded man.
- No More Baby Face
Contrary to what cougars say, most women are driven towards men that DON’T look like a baby or Justin Beiber wannabe. Women want to feel like they are with a real man, someone that has skinned their kill and brought it home for dinner. The women don’t want to be the damn guys Mom, they want to be their boo- their bae and their lover.. A beard, for whatever reason, says to a woman that they are safe, protected and that they won’t be wiping any asses. I was a bit surprised that women didn’t like the clean shaven baby face, but hey- I guess we can thank the Vikings for that.
- Let me show you my playroom
Even though Fifty Shades of Grey was a big hit, Mr. Grey himself was kind of sourpuss boy that could shave. And the women evidently hate that. One woman even told me that they are certain a big thick beard means they are good in bed. I’m not sure how they’ve concluded that and didn’t ask, but sign me up?
- Work Hard for the Money
There’s something else the ladies see when they see a bearded man- hard work. That means marriage material and stability. That means the bearded man isn’t afraid of hard work, getting dirty, and will never let his life be without food- even if he has to go kill it. Biologically speaking, women are hardwired to be attracted to hard working men for that very reason. So grab those dirty jeans, grow that beard out (yes, even if its red and your hair is brown), and ask your crush out.
- Integrity and honor
Maybe it’s because the early 2000’s were filled with pretty boys that were all douche-canoes, but bearded men are also known for having integrity and honor. You’re not going to find a bearded man (especially if he’s wearing flannel) taking advantage of women. He’s too busy working his ass off, remember? Women want men they can trust and men that will respect and love them. Bearded men for some reason give off that vibe.
- No Hipsters
Ok- so the Hipster trend has now adopted this bearded man thing and quite frankly we’re sick of it. Hipsters are NOT MEN, ok? You can usually tell it’s a bearded imposter by the type of beard they try to grow out. If it looks like a bald cat crawled on their chin, then it’s a hipster. If they have a man bun, HIPSTER. If that man bun looks more like a nipple from a boob then a bun, you’ve got a hipster QUEEN and need to run.
With all that said, the majority of thick-bearded men smell.. like men, are dirty, and easy to spot. And since we know hipsters don’t like dirt because they carry around their own hand washing soap made from non-GMO, organic, grass fed and free range cows. You can tell a true bearded man from the imposters fairly easily. Especially if the beard has been styled, you’re likely dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Run, don’t walk. Or just knock them the fuck out…
So there you have it friends- a very non-scientific exploration into why women love bearded men. As long as you don’t glitter’fly the beard and don’t carry around your own hand soap, you should have no problem getting the ladies. So go be manly, own that beard and roll in some mud just to step it up.